


Peaches and Screams

by HowAreYouGoodPerson



Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Arguing, Bad Pie-Related Desicions, Comedy, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27722657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowAreYouGoodPerson/pseuds/HowAreYouGoodPerson
Summary: Furious after (yet again) not being invited to a tea party in his own dorm, Malleus makes quite the interesting discovery in the Dorm Kitchen...
Relationships: Malleus Draconia/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	Peaches and Screams

**Author's Note:**

> I literally started writing this when HEARTSLABYUL was still the only dorm and then. Forgot to go back to it. And I just remembered it so I just quickly finished it because honestly it's silly LMAOO.
> 
> Anyway thank you for reading, and I hope you have a nice day!

It was horrible, atrocious, downright humiliating… 

How dare they… How dare ALL of them…

How could his own House, his own Vice House Leader, not invite him to their damned tea party?!

He could feel the wood of his staff beginning to creak from beneath his fingertips, forcing himself to calm his grip. It would only cause more problems were his precious staff to be destroyed, and risk possibly injury too. Such a fate would be a tad unpleasant…

Instead, he simply burned the invitation he’d found abandoned on the ground. He wouldn’t miss it, and the brief thrill of the flames seemed to cool his fury just a tad… Ice cream. Today called for some ice cream, he should still have some in the dorm lounge. Surely those fools were not idiotic enough to take HIS ice cream…

The dim candlelights of the kitchen seemed to extinguish upon his entrance, the fridge door almost ripped off his hinges as stark-bright light shone unto his pale skin…

For the first time today, there was a soft smile on his face as he gazed upon the love of his life…

That beautiful, delicate ambrosia… Chocolate chip mint.

The tub was feeling a bit too light for his liking, (much to his dismay,) so he’d simply carry the carton to his room. Tucked beneath his arm, the fridge gently closed as he looked for a spoon.

A single candle flame caught his eye, somehow unextinguished.

Malleus quickly darted his gaze, finding the kitchen empty. It somehow must’ve stayed alit… However, what it illuminated caught his interest far more. 

“... A pie?” Indeed. A pie. A peaches and cream pie, it seemed .Along it was a single note, almost impossible to see in the darkness. 

‘DO NOT TOUCH- For tea party.” A pity, it looked delicious… With that, he grabbed a spoon and retreated to his room… Or at least, he knew it would be best too, yet…

Perhaps for just this once, HE would play foul. If they forgot (ONCE MORE, might he add,) to invite him… Then they would have to suffer the consequences this time! Besides, if they don’t miss HIM then SURELY they could care less about a single pie as well!

The note was tossed to the ground, a sadistic cackle filling the kitchen walls as the pie (alongside the ill-pairing ice cream,) was abducted to his room, not a single trace of his presence left behind…

Completely unaware to the eyes that watched.

\-----------

Glowing green eyes stared intensely at the pie.

“... Perhaps… I should return it…”

The ice cream was long-since gone, the carton having been (un)ceremonially tossed into the trash, yet the pie remained untouched- the soft-golden fluff of cream untouched. The longer he stared, the more became clear. This was clearly the product of someone’s hard work… It seemed edible, so it couldn’t have been made in House Diasomnia…

Would it not be wrong to take his frustrations of his House out on an innocent pie-stander? (... Surely Lilia would mock him for such a joke…)

… It would. However, since he was here… Surely a small taste of cream wouldn’t hurt. It was not as if he’d be receiving a slice anyway…

Thus a single speck of cream was gathered on his glove, and plopped into his mouth.

The cream… It carried such a soft, sweet flavor… Perfect, and in no way overwhelming as some pastries in the market were…

… One more taste couldn’t hurt. He’d take a crumb as well, this time. Thus once more, a smidge of cream and a tad of crust was popped into his mouth.

… It was delicious… The crust seemed more akin to a delicate cookie than a crumbled cracker, and added a savory accent to the fluffy cream…

… One more… One more couldn’t hurt… But how much was truly one more? At this point all there was was soft, creamy goodness, quickly seeping from the tin and into the cold leather of his gloves that now reeked of peach, of his sins... Yet he could not stop. Even as the cream was tainted with the salty tang of blissful tears, he could not bring himself to toss away the tin until it was nothing more than an empty shell of its former self… Not a single crumb left behind, all wiped away by a reptilian tongue…

And many moments, too late, the man realized his grave mistake.

“… This is… Unfortunate...”

\-----------

Just how long had it been since he’d sentenced himself to an eternity of fire and brimstone? A few moments? An hour?

The tin sat alone, tossed in the corner as he struggled in vain to avoid it’s invisible gaze… Judging him… Tormenting him… Truly, it was a worse devil than Vanrouge could hope to be in those strange games of his… Either way, it was driving him absolutely insane...

… No one would know it was him if no evidence remained, correct?

And thus the tin was snatched and promptly tossed from the window, solving the problem once and for all!

… Until there was a clang, followed with a yell.

“HEY! WHO’S THE IDIOT WHO’S THROWING PIE TINS?!”

“W-WHY’RE YOU LOOKING AT ME?!”

“Oh I don’t know! Maybe it’s because YOU GAVE ME A CONCUSSION WITH ONE OF YOUR CAULDRONS LAST WEEK???”

“Guys, guys! Quiet down! Let’s not start a ruckus, okay? I don’t want our invitation to get taken back… Wait… That tin looks familiar…”

There was a thick silence, every moment of which filled one Malleus Draconia with a dread like none other… Those voices, it must’ve been those two First-Years from Heartslabyul. If they were here, that meant...

“... This… This is one of the Ramshackle pie tins… They shouldn’t have any in Diasmonia unless it’s…”

Oh no…

… He should’ve incinerated the pie tin.

\-----------

It would be a pathetic lie, to say the least, that one could not hear the commotion from downstairs. (Those First Years had… Quiet the boisterous voices.)

It would be suspicious for him NOT to arrive. Surely they were looking for the pie thief… He’d have to arrive, act disinterested in such petty affairs, then return to his room. The longer he remained, the more opportunities for his demise would reveal themselves…

“CAN’T YOU IDIOTS READ?! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU SHOULD EAT SOMETHING THAT YOU DIDN’T WORK HARD FOR?!”

“... Don’t you think it’s a bit hypocritical coming from YOU, of all people? (You did eat the House Leader’s tarts on your first day, after all…)”

“GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY, I LEARNED MY LESSON!!!”

Oh goodness… It seemed the majority of the Diasomnia student body had been dragged into the entranceway. (Not that he could blame them, regarding the circumstances.) As per usual, the silent commotion began as he strode through, crowds parting in fear until he reached the group of two. The blue-haired one quickly straightened, pausing only to punch the red-head in the arm who finally noticed.

“GYAH! U-uh… I mean… Hey big guy, how you doin-(STOP PUNCHING ME!!!)”

“(THEN BE RESPECTFUL! HE’S OUR UPPERCLASSMAN ACE!)”

“(Yeah yeah okay whatever!)” The one, “Ace,” he seemed to be, cleared his throat.

“... H… Hey there! Malleus, was it? … So... You eat a pie lately?” The blue-haired student smacked his face.

This was it. The perfect opportunity to rid himself of this matter for good. (Even better, THEY weren’t here, so his heart wouldn’t feel strange as it often felt when they were around…) Malleus stood tall, glowering down at the two who seemed moments from quivering in fear…

And then he noticed them walk into the room, quickly rushing over to the two with concern in those [color] eyes, gleaming so brightly, that not even the rarest of gems could hope to compete...

“…”

“...”

“...” … W… What was he going to say again…?

“... Um… You okay there?”

“... What is a ‘pie?’”

… Would it be too late to retreat from this cursed place? To wander about and find a dull, decrepit cave to decay in?

“... No… No way… Dude, you seriously can’t be telling me you don’t know what a PIE is.”

“(ACE SHUT UP!)”

“NO YOU SHUT UP DEUCE! Anyway like. How have you never heard of a pie?! They’re like. Easily one of the best desserts there is! Man, you should try one of [Name]’s pies actually! They’ve got some weird combinations I’d NEVER think of, yet I can’t get eno-GAH!”

“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP IDIOT!!! DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHO YOU’RE TALKING TO?!”

“YEAH I’M TALKING TO A GUY WHO DOESN’T KNOW HIS PIE!”

“THAT “GUY” HAPPENS TO BE MALLEUS DRACONIA, SHOW SOME RESPECT!.” Ace was forcibly shoved back into a world where he was NOT in fact informing a fellow student about the joys of pie, but one in which he was casually talking to one of the most feared students in the school and giving him a sales pitch. On pie.

“... Hey so I’m just gonna head out now uhhh… See ya!” 

… He bolted, and immediately crashed into [Name] who had finally made it over. 

(Malleus had to resist the urge to help them… Though he cared little of what others thought (since they cared so little of him,) he still did not want to tarnish their reputation with his cursed one.)

\-----------

“... So that’s what happened, Malleus. I’m REALLY sorry! If I’d known something like this would’ve caused a scene, I would’ve just kept my mouth shut…” 

… It hurt. He didn’t understand WHY, yet... Seeing them so melancholic… He needed to tell the truth. Even if they were to cast him away for such betrayal, it would be cruel to continue this farce any longer…

“... Though I loathe to admit it…” Shining [color]-eyes looked into his own, gleaming with hope… “... I…” The kitchen door suddenly burst open, Sebek practically tossing himself through the door.

“IT WAS ME! I WAS THE ONE WHO ATE THE PIE!”

“... Huh?”

“Wait… YOU ATE THE PIE?! THAT TOOK ALL DAY SEBEK!!!” His head almost smacked the ground with how deeply he bowed, voice booming as always.

“I WAS UNAWARE OF THE NOTE WHEN I ATE THE PIE! PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES!” … Why would Sebek take the blame for such an action…? No… Unless…

He must’ve seen him with the pie. He must have, there was no other way Sebek would take the fall for such a mortal sin with no hesitation...!

… But this was unacceptable! For his own Underclassman to take responsibility for HIS crime...!

“HE LIES! I WAS THE ONE WHO PILFERED THE PIE FROM WHERE IT LAY UPON THE COUNTER! THE ONE WHO GAVE INTO HIS GLUTTONY AND CONSUMED IT WAS NONE OTHER THAN MALLEUS DRACONIA HIMSELF!!!”

“... Wait hold on, but Sebek just said he ate the p-”

“L-LORD DRACONIA! … I-I WAS THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS, SO PLEASE DO NOT INTERFERE, EVEN IF YOUR INTENTIONS ARE GOOD! (AS THEY ALWAYS ARE, OF COURSE!”

“I WILL NOT CEASE MY REBUTTAL, SEBEK! YOU ARE NOT TO LAY CLAIM TO MY SINS! THEY ARE MINE AND MINE ALONE! SO STOP CLAIMING THAT YOU ATE THE PIE!”

“... Pardon me, Lord Draconia, but… IT WAS ME!”

“LIES! IT WAS ME!”

“ME!”

“ME…”

“Ohh, isn’t this interesting~ I’ve never seen the both of you so intense with each other before!” They jumped, finding Lilia hovering upside-down merely a few inches away.

“Lilia…! Oh thank god you're here. One moment Sebek confessed to eating the pie, and now everything that isn’t nailed down is shaking from their screaming match.” It was true, looking around, quite a few things had fallen from the counters…

“Oh my… This won’t do. Well, there’s only one way to settle this! Sebek, did you eat the peach cream pie?”

“Yes Vanrouge!” No hesitation… This was bad, at this rate, they’d believe h-

“Ah, I see… It’s Malleus, then!”

“WHAT?!?! I CONFESSED TO THE CRIME VANROUGE!!!”

“You did! Yet we both know that you wouldn’t steal a pie, much less cover for it… Unless the culprit was Malleus, of course. So it must be him!” [Name] was still clearly confused, but looked at the tall man, a seriousness in their gaze he’d only seen in those occasions when…

“... Malleus… Were you the one who ate the pie?” … There was no taking it back now. Lilia had exposed him, Sebek and tried, and failed to cover for him… (For the best, of course.)

He looked deep into those troubled [color] eyes, and took a deep breath…

“... I must say… Are we sure it isn’t Vanrouge? He IS awfully suspicious at times, after all…” Lilia simply smiled.

“... Excuse me? : )” … Malleus wasn’t going to question how he said that, but knew he couldn’t turn back. Either way, he’d sealed his fate with such a half-hearted move. Before he could utter another word, Sebek slammed a hand on the counter.

“IT MUST BE VANROUGE!” Within a flash, an accusatory finger was jabbed at the man’s direction. “He’d ALSO made a pie for the tea party… He must’ve seen the pie the lowly human had made, and tossed it in a fit of jealousy! Hah! Wonderful deduction, Lord Draconia! No one could solve a crime as smoothly as you could~”

“Oh? So we’re really doing this you two? : )” [Name] glanced back and forth at the three faces, all with an intensity that would melt anything that came between them…

“G-guys it’s okay, it’s just a pie… It doesn’t matter who ate it, we can j-”

“LILIA! I DEMAND YOU APOLOGIZE TO [NAME] FO-”

“DON’T YOU TALK TO ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE YOUNG MAN!!!”

“... Lilia! I demand you apologize to [Name] for what you’ve done!”

“Yes, I concur! Your actions reflect very poorly on Lord Draconia and his House, Vanrouge!”

“Oh? MY actions reflect poorly?! … You’re right, tragic as it is to admit…”

“... A-ah…! So you admit it then, Lilia?”

“Yes, I admit it… I ADMIT I’VE DONE A PITIFUL JOB OF RAISING THE TWO OF YOU!!! CALLING YOUR OWN VICE HOUSE LEADER A LIAR!!!”

“Gghk!”

“U-uwah!”

“Guys please… Let’s just forget there was even a p-”

“I’VE STATED NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, LILIA!”

“HE HAS!”

“THEN PROVE IT!”

“HE DOESN’T NEED PROOF!”

“PLEASE YOUR THREE IT WAS JUST A PIE!!!”

Suddenly, the door to the kitchen opened, a half-comatose Silver stumbling in with an empty mug of coffee.

All three Diasomnia members exchanged glances, before looking back at Silver.

“... Huh? Why is everyone h-”

“SILVER! IS IT TRUE?! MY BABY BOY, DID YOU REALLY STEAL THE PIE?!?!”

“HOW COULD YOU COMMIT SUCH A HORRID ACT?! DON’T YOU REALIZE YOUR ACTIONS COULD HAVE TARNISHED LORD DRACONIA’S REPUTATION?!?!”

“...Wait... What about a pie…?” Despite the deafening voices, Silver didn’t seem any more conscious.

“Young Silver… As punishment for eating [Name]’s peach cream pie… You will… Be sentenced to your room for the remainder of the day! … Except for meals! NOW GO!!!”

The boy had no idea what was happening, and apparently decided it was best not to, shrugging and leaving the room… Until Lilia stopped him.

“Wait, Silver… It’d be cruel to send you back up without a drink. You desired some coffee, yes? I shall pour you some! I’ve been experimenting with a new brew lately!” Suddenly, he was now wide awake.

“N-no thank you, Old Man…”

“Oh nonsense! Just because you’re a little crime boy doesn’t mean you must go thirsty! Now how much sugar do you w-HEY!!! … A pity, he ran off…”

The kitchen was now completely quiet, the four looking at each other, (one more exhausted than the others…)

“Well, all that ends well, I suppose~”

“Yes! Surely Silver will learn his lesson after such despicable behavior!”

“I concur. Now, [Name], as compensation for the pie, I shall take you to Mr. S’ and you may select a new one. I… Understand it is not the same, yet I hope you will accept this gesture of goodwill…

“... Sure… Let’s go, Malleus.”

He was safe, they hadn’t suspected a thing… Surely such was a miracle.

\-----------

“Malleus… You ate the pie, didn’t you.”

“... WHO TOLD YOU?!?!”

“... You really think it wasn’t obvious after that whole spectacle???” It was all he could do to avert his gaze in shame, knowing that this child of man would never see him in the same light… They’d been an unexpected, yet welcomed surprise in his life, a friend when he believed he could have none, and his own hubris took that away from him… His heart felt tight, and he knew he couldn’t face them anymore…

“... Yes, twas I who ate the pie. Had I known it belonged to you, I would not have indulged in such a marvelous delicacy… You may bestow whatever punishment you deem fit for my crime, and I shall accept it.” It was silent. Silent, dreadfully silent… 

“... Hey, bend down.” He raised a brow, but complied. Moments after, his breath hitched, feeling a hand gently pet his head.

“Dummy, I’m not gonna punish you over a pie… Just admit it next time! … Though… Did you really mean it? That it was a ‘marvelous delicacy…?’” Now they were the one to turn away, their face tingeing a faint red…

“... I meant every word and more… If anything, I must say it was TOO much of a delicacy. I tried to resist it’s enticing allure yet… Before I knew it, there was not even a single speck of cream left…” That soothing laugh of theirs filled the air, the man unable to resist a smile at it’s sweet sound.

“I’m glad then… I stayed up all night making it, so I’m glad you enjoyed it... (Especially since I hoped you’d be able to get a slice…)” They quickly grew flustered, hoping he hadn’t heard that last admission, before changing topics. “... You know, I changed my mind. I do have a punishment in mind for you.”

“Oh?” They popped open the lid to the pie he bought them at Sam’s, the thick scent of [Favorite Flavor] wafting through the air…

“As punishment for eating the pie I worked so hard to make… I demand you share this pie with me! … Please?”

At that, he couldn’t help but laugh himself.

“Child of man… As if you’d need to ask for such a thing.”

… Perhaps he should steal pies more often...


End file.
